Hi! My name is Amanda Noddings. I am a hard working wife and mother of two young children, Olivia (4) and Elijah (21 months). I am 34 years old, and a Certified Nursing Assistant. I am also a Star Diamond Beachbody Coach. Today I would like to share my story with you. Some of my pain I have never publicly shared before, and is very difficult for me. But in sharing it, I hope to help inspire someone who maybe, like me, struggled with depression and self worth. ***If you'd prefer to watch my YouTube Transformation Video, you can see it here.***
For years, I have struggled with my weight, as well as my own level of happiness. In my twenties, I self medicated my depression with food and alcohol. I thought I was the life of the party, but inside I felt less than. I made poor choices, would get depressed about them, and compound those poor choices with more poor choices. I am not proud of the person I was.
In 2009 I started working on getting in shape a little bit. I had finally met a guy that I quickly fell in love with. We were married, and things were good, but we struggled. I waitressed in the evenings, and then worked nights full time as a nursing assistant. I would get off work at 7 am, then go to school for the majority of the day. With this hectic schedule, I had little time for eating. Some days I ate too much, others I barely ate at all. My husband’s father was battling cancer, and I was pregnant with our first child. It was all I could do to keep our family together, work, and complete my degree. My own health took a back seat again. I felt it was my responsibility to have this baby before he died. I was riddled with stress and guilt.
We welcomed Olivia in August of 2010. I was overjoyed! I went on walks with her and lost most of the “baby weight,” but I was overweight before the baby. A few months later my husband’s father passed away. Depression came to visit in our house and seemed to be an ever-present member of the family. I continued to get larger and more unhealthy, barely holding it together. I weighed over 200 lbs. I came to a time when I felt I needed to make a change! I convinced my husband to buy me a gym membership we couldn’t afford for mothers day. I started making changes.
I saw some results and that encouraged me. I finally made it to about 190 lbs, but no matter how hard I pushed on the elliptical, no matter how many protein shakes I drank, I couldn’t get below that number. But I started to have hope. Then, in January of 2012, amazing news. We were pregnant with our second child! I was excited to be in better shape at the start of this pregnancy. I took it easy and did everything right.
After the first trimester finally passed, we started to tell our family and closest friends the good news. We talked about naming it after my father in law if it was a boy. Olivia announced to the family that she was going to be a big sister!
In the first week of June, I had terrible pains and bleeding. My doctor told me I was losing the baby, and there was nothing we could do. I was 22 weeks pregnant. In my head I named him Michael. I spiraled into a deeper depression. It was no longer a sometimes visitor, but a constant, ever present weight around me. I came very close to ending my life. My family and husband were supportive, but they were grieving too. I pulled into myself, lashing out at others, even my husband. I ballooned up to 232 lbs, and began to hate myself even more.
But in the end, Olivia saved me. A big job for a two-year-old girl who didn’t understand much, except that her mother was sad. Sad and tired. She gave me kisses for no reason. She gave me hugs. She played and was happy and good. One day, she looked at me and said, “Are you happy, mommy?”
It was an earth shattering moment. I was not happy, but I should have been. I could be. I wanted to be.
I didn’t know where to start. But I knew Olivia deserved more than this shell of a mother going through depression and obesity.
My BMI stated that I was “morbidly obese.” I was humiliated. But I started working out. I started cooking better. I made slow and steady progress. I talked to my friend Mia about borrowing Insanity from her. I didn’t really think I could do it, but I thought “what do I have to lose?” Two days before Mia brought me Insanity I found out I was pregnant again. I was terrified. I was paralyzed with fear. What if it happens again? What if I lose another one? I knew I couldn’t take it again.
I felt myself starting to slip, but I held on to my sanity by my fingernails. I made a vow to myself that this time would be different. I was going to do better this time, have a healthier pregnancy. I was going to borrow Insanity from Mia as soon as I felt physically able after the baby came. September 8th, we welcomed Elijah James to the world. What a miracle! What a blessing! Now to get to work!
I started Insanity October 5th, 2013. Just the Fit Test made me feel like I was going to die. I surprised myself on October 6th and pressed play again. And on the 7th, 8th, 9th. I didn’t miss a day. I stopped making excuses. And an amazing thing happened. I became empowered. I was able to do something for me. I was committing and sticking with something for maybe the first time in my adult life. And the pounds started to disappear. The fat started to melt away.
I listened to Shaun T’s voice telling me to dig deeper, and I did. I started doing things I could never do before. When I finished Insanity, I had lost 36 pounds. I was slimming down through hard work and exercise. I started T25. I had gone back to work full time and I didn’t have the time for the longer workouts. I was scared to get fat again. But I knew I wouldn’t, because something had changed. I HAD CHANGED.
My free BeachBody coach, Tawnya, contacted me. I had never met her. She was a stranger. She told me I could do it. She offered me the support of an online challenge group, and the nutrition of Shakeology.
I engaged, interacted, and worked hard for 25 minutes a day. That’s it. When I finished T25, I had lost over 55 inches from my waist, hips, arms, and thighs.
Olivia watched me workout every morning. She was my own personal cheerleader. She would yell, “you’re doing it, mommy, your doing it!” Elijah mostly rolled around on the floor and looked at me while I worked hard. On the last day of T25, I took my after pictures. I felt proud and accomplished. I made a collage of the pictures to compare my progress. And I cried. I cried for the woman I had been, who had wasted so many years being unhappy and feeling like I didn’t have control over my health and fitness. I cried for the baby I had lost. I cried for the time I had lost. I cried for the excuses I had made. “I’m big boned.” “I’m so busy!” “I don’t have time!”
But mostly I cried when I saw my face in the photos. Because I saw the change in my smile, saw my eyes light up more and my smile grow bigger in each photo, even as I grew smaller. By the end of Insanity and T25, I had lost over 55 pounds and gone from a size 24 to a size 9. I had gained confidence, strength, and agility.
My marriage had improved. I wasn’t carrying the weight of blame that comes from a lack of accountability to yourself. My husband noticed my changes and started Shakeology, too. He has lost 30 lbs. as well now, without even adding exercise. I’m so proud of him. I won the daily prize for the Beachbody Challenge for my results ($500), and then the monthly prize for July 2014 ($1,000). I am now in the running for the Challenge Finals! I have kept over 70 pounds total off over a year now, and my life is completely changed.
And I started helping others. Coaching them. Running challenge groups on Facebook. Helping them achieve their goals. I want everyone out there who has suffered loss, pain, and depression to know that you CAN get through the other side. You have to Decide…Commit… and Succeed. And I want to help you do it. There is a better way, a better life out there for you, if only you will reach out and grab it.
If you know someone who would enjoy this story, or needs to hear that its possible, needs some inspiration, needs someone to believe in them, please SHARE it.
If you decide to start your journey, I would be honored to coach you on your fitness journey, or mentor you on my team as a new coach. Please fill out this form to contact me about getting started on your health and fitness journey, and taking the first steps to change YOUR life.
www.amandanoddings.com
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